taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
