Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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