Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
