There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
