i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
