Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
