i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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