Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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