Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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