Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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