I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
