so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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