Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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