the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
