Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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