I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
