If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize