You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
