You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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