Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I want a musical about memes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
