Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
