Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
