Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
