I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
