Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
