similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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