I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
