i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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