I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
