Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
