Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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