i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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