This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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