bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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