i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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