Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
