I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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