Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
