There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
