i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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