Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
