So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
