2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
