And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
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You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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