someone threw a dead crab at me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
