.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
