I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
