My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
