She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
