you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
