he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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