I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
