Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
