Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You ruined the universe
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The air taste purple.
Randomize
