My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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