they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
