Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
