I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She bit a glass in half.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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