I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
