dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10