...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
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i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice