I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
