I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends