Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's rum buckets o'clock
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue