I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...