Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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