His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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