i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
