Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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