BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
