Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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